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Surviving With Spouses in Quarantine | The Law Corner

Brian Demidovich

Surviving With Spouses in Quarantine

   In these uncertain and challenging times, you are often bouncing between your best and worst version of yourself—as is your spouse. Depending on which side of the fence you are on, you may clash with the one who is closest to you. Here is a list of steps to remember and to live, love, and swear (in every way) by.

1.) Make getting along your goal and make sure your actions are aligned with that goal.

  Stop, Breathe, and Analyze the Situation. You are no good to anyone else, especially yourself, if you lose your cool, so enter every moment with the mindset to Get Along. That doesn’t mean fake your feelings or betray your true emotions. It means find a way to convey your opinions in a positive light. Don’t pretend to smile, just be honest and non-threatening. Invite your spouse to participate in a constant mutual understanding. Use this time as a reintroduction into each other. If there was ever a time to be each other’s best friend, that time is now.

2.) Accept your spouse for who they were, are, and will be.

  You fell in love with your significant other for a reason, try not to let go of that. Yes, people change. Yes, people navigate life differently. But remember who that “stranger” sitting across from you in your living room truly is. There is no written rule that we have to get along with our loved ones every single second of the day, but there is one that says we should always play nice... at least there should be. Even though you may spend the most time with this person, as long as you live you will never know 100% what it is like to be them. The biggest window into that world is typically how they choose to express themselves–sometimes captivating and entertaining, other times confusing and off-putting. Your spouse can appear in “different forms” at times, but they are still themselves. Accepting that total package will not only help ease any tension, it will strengthen your relationship.

3.) Recognize your spouse has good intentions and give them the benefit of the doubt.

  They Come in Peace. We sometimes take for granted and misread the intentions of others. Our demand of certain behaviors from others can be unhealthy, and we typically can set the bar so high that our expectations are scarcely reached. Your spouse is trying, and no matter how much you may be your own fan, you aren’t always a glass of sunshine to be around. Sorry Cupcake. Before jumping to conclusions, or using this isolated time to piece together a puzzle of your interpretations of whichever situation may be at hand, put the monocle down and play back the previous interactions between your spouse and you. This time, see it from their point of view. We doubt they moved your office papers as a final ploy to sabotage you during their well planned for and highly anticipated quarantined life with you. Relax and Reset. They are trying their best here.

4.) Don't assume or interpret, ask your spouse how they are feeling.

  It takes 4 words, How Are You Doing? And then, say nothing. But don’t just say nothing, LISTEN. Pay attention and listen to your spouse. Put the phone away, turn the T.V. down, and fill your head with the words of your partner. Refrain from moments to interject, especially if it’s about you, because, wait for it, this is THEIR take on it. Give them the podium to express themselves, and sometimes that takes several cracks at it. Although it may seem scattered at moments, they are finding their voice, and they themselves are figuring out how they feel as well. Being totally honest with each other starts with being totally honest with yourself first. Sometimes you have to be reintroduced to yourself to offer up your feelings towards others. Putting feelings out in the open and addressing them out loud is a big step towards resolution. Just be there. All of you. As much as you can. For Them. And be respectful damnit, maybe take this out haha sharing is caring.

5.) Give each other space.

  "Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, is the politest way to say “I love you but if I don’t have 30 minutes to myself right now, the virus will be the least of your concern.” You need space, they need space, frankly the whole world needs space more than ever right now. Social distancing doesn’t just keep your body healthy, it heals your spirit as well. It’s okay to require space to hit reset, and be respectful of others if that’s where they currently are mentally. 5 weeks of arguing sometimes could have been resolved with just an initial 5 minutes to take a breather alone. If you want to bring someone closer, sometimes you need to do it from far away.

6.) Respect, appreciate, and admire your spouse.

  Unfortunately, trophy shops are closed and parades are banned for the foreseeable future, so find a way to express the magnitude of your spouse’s "awesomeness" that hits home… in your home. Be in their corner more than ever during this difficult time, and don’t miss an opportunity to be their #1 fan. You don’t have to go overboard, sometimes it’s the smallest moments that can ignite a sense of accomplishment in your spouse. I’ve also found that thank you’s and compliments can go a very, very, long way. And no one has ever said “No” to a surprise snack. Something I used to always think about was how sometimes people just want to hear "THANK YOU" and "I’M SORRY". Those two phrases mean so much, when someone usually has too much pride to say anything at all. Last by not least, tell the ones you love that you love them, and tell the truth whenever you can. Just like how the current situations in the world are rare, so are these new opportunities to interact with your spouse. Embrace it empathetically.

  It’s moments like these that can rebuild a foundation even stronger than before.

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