Why do we need a signed agreement for the custody of our children?

Without a written and signed agreement, for example, one parent can disrupt a child’s life by deciding suddenly to move the children to another school or city. Having an agreement in writing maintains consistency for the children, which is essential to their well-being. Custody and visitation arrangements can be written in a Separation Agreement along with decisions concerning spousal support and distribution of property.

We cannot agree on custody arrangements, what is the next step?

One parent must file a Complaint, beginning a lawsuit, for child custody. The parties will have to attend mediation, and possibly parenting classes. Eventually, if the parties cannot reach an agreement, a trial court judge will hear evidence and determine custody.

How does a judge decide who gets custody of the children?

A judge uses many factors to determine child custody. Some of the main considerations are the age of the children, the stability of a parent and their home environment, the time a parent has to spend with the children, efforts by either parent to undermine the other parent, facilitation of visitation and involvement of the other parent, child abuse and neglect, drug and alcohol problems, the wishes of a child of sufficient age (not a controlling factor), and any acts of domestic violence between the parties. Additionally, there is no preference to choose a mother over a father. A judge’s order for child custody and visitation will include findings of facts that support what the Judge feels is in the best interest of the children.

What if I my spouse is being unpredictable during the pending claim for custody?

If the child’s life becomes unstable or they need protection from a parent’s actions, a judge may enter temporary orders for the custody and support of children.

What is joint legal custody?

When parents have joint legal custody, they share in the decision making for the child on issues such as education and religion. It does not mean necessarily shared physical custody. In North Carolina, the vocabulary commonly used to describe custody arrangements does not have a set amount of physical time spent with a child associated with the term, for that reason, the arrangements written in the agreement are more important than what vocabulary we use.

What is sole legal and physical custody?

A parent who has sole custody makes all major decisions and has primary physical custody of the child.

If my spouse has primary physical custody of the children, what are my visitation rights?

The parent who is the non-custodial parent has the right to visit with their child. Similar to custody, many factors determine the visitation schedule. Children’s schedules, the distance the parents live apart, parent work schedules, etc., will determine visitation. Younger children typically spend most of their time with the custodial parent and typically spend, at a minimum, every other weekend, a weekday evening, alternate holidays, and two weeks each summer with the non-custodial parent. For a 50/50 custody arrangement to succeed, parents must be very cooperative and amicable with one another. If parents end up in a courtroom to determine custody, it is not common for a judge to order this type of arrangement.

Once custody is agreed upon or ordered, can custody arrangements be changed?

Custody can always be modified. If there is a substantial change in circumstances and the parent asking for the change can show evidence that it is in the best interest of the children, a change in custody is possible.

Signs Of Conflict | The Law Corner | Raleigh, NC

The Law Corner

Allowing conflict to grow into loud, dangerous, or aggressive levels with words or behavior.

1. Withdrawal and Avoidance

Closing yourself off, shutting the door literally
Avoiding opportunities for closeness
Making excuses not to communicate

2. Escalation

Allowing conflict to grow into loud, dangerous, or aggressive levels with words or behavior

3. Negative Interpretations

Taking words and behaviors out of context
Finding the dark side of neutral statements

4. Invalidation

Finding ways to discount, ridicule, or deny the feelings or behaviors of the other
Sarcasm, involving 3rd parties (gossip), treating your partner like a bad child

Suggestions to Improve Dealing with Conflict:

Seek a member of your church or congregation to assist with your communication
Seek a professional either a Licensed Marital Counselor, or a Family Therapist
Choose a time to discuss the conflict together without distraction
Speak for yourself, do not mind read
Do not threaten or blame
Keep statements brief
Take turns talking, do not monopolize
Limit time spent dealing with conflict: more is not always better
Do not deal with conflict after consuming alcohol or when you are sick or exhausted.

Have questions? Talk to our team at The Law Corner in Raleigh, NC. Call us at 919-424-8319 for a $300 (up to) one hour consultation.

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Signs Of Conflict | The Law Corner | Raleigh, NC

Allowing conflict to grow into loud, dangerous, or aggressive levels with words or behavior.

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