It’s that time of the year again, when families come together to spend “quality” time over the holidays. While this may seem like the season of joy, happiness, and selflessness, it can easily turn into a time of turmoil, regret, and anger. The problem is, when you fall in love with someone and choose to marry them, you really don’t think much about your in-laws. You just assume that they want the best for you and to be happy in your new life… yet, this isn’t always the case. Your in-laws may take advantage of these holiday occasions to overstep their boundaries and create a wedge between you and your spouse. The sad part is, this happens a lot more than you may think– You are not alone. The Law Corner’s Raleigh family law attorneys are here to help you with your Raleigh divorce. Use this information to help you understand why these relationships are going sour and if divorce is the solution, let our Raleigh divorce lawyers help!
An article titled “Divorce Causes: 5 Ways to Destroy Your Marriage” in the Huffington Post states that the in-Laws can be a leading cause of divorce. Author Francesca Escoto writes, “how spouses relate to the in-laws is a strong predictor of marriage longevity. A man who gets along with his wife’s parents is wise — his chances of a strong marriage increases by about 20 percent. Women who get along with their in-laws actually have an increased probability of divorce, by about 20 percent.” While this may seem a little strange at first, after further consideration these statements seem to hold true.
The early stages of marriage are the hardest, as it is a time where the newly-weds must create boundaries and begin separating from their families. In most cases, this is easier for the female, as she is eager to start her new family. However, men resist creating boundaries with their famililes, mostly their mothers, possibly due to the fact that they do not want to hurt their mothers’ feelings, and they must be willing to actively engage and join his wife’s family. This is easier said than done. From here, the wife is typically the scapegoat for his mother’s anger, agression, and feelings of “loss,” because she now has to take the backseat to his new bride. This is where the wives have to beware– giving in to his mother, so that she will “like” you, will only lead to turmoil down the road. As Escoto states, “if you are a wife who can’t say no to the mom-in-law’s constant, last minute demands, you are probably driving your spouse to divorce.”
Another article published in the Huffington Post titled “In-Law Stories: Can In:Laws Ruin A Marriage,” gives first hand accounts of divorces that were caused by in-Laws. Here are a few statements made by spouses affected by bad in-Laws:
“They created a wedge between us that we were never able to overcome.”
“The in-laws were THE reason for the divorce… Can you straight up say ‘momma’s boy’?!”
“Mine (My Mother in-Law) never accepted me, told me I was taking her baby away (he was 30)… He never defended me or made her respect me.”
This article discusses a common factor that led to the divorce: the Mother-in-Law, or as many may call her “Monster-in-Law.” This same issue is discussed by Dr. Lynn Margolies in his article “Outlawed by Your In-laws,” published in PsychCentral. In the end, it all boils down to one thing — a lack of boundaries and a lack of respect for the united couple.
Many people in these situations contemplate divorce — both the wives and the husbands. The husband may continue to feel that he is constantly in the middle of his feuding wife and mother, and not want to deal with it for the rest of his life. The wife may feel as though her husband is choosing his mother over her (not a good idea), and will want to leave the marriage to find someone that is able to put her as a priority. The fact is, many people do not have the time, or the energy, or the want, to delve deep into this problem, leading to divorce. Yet, other times the issues are so deeply rooted that getting to the bottom of them may not even be possible. If you and your spouse believe that divorce may be the best solution, contact The Law Corner.
Your Raleigh divorce does not have to be ugly and difficult. Specializing in separation and divorce, the attorneys at The Law Corner are able to help you with your uncontested or absolute divorce or whatever your divorce needs may be. From separation agreements to mediation, to child custody and visitation, The Law Corner is here to help make this process as easy and stress free as possible. Contact us today at 919-424-8319
Please take a moment to view these other useful resources, if you are considering a Raleigh divorce:
For other Raleigh family law matters, use these resources:
Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO)
The Law Corner Attorneys help people all over Wake County to include the following areas: Knightdale, Wake Forest,Raleigh,Morrisville, Apex, Wendell, Zebulon, New Hope, Cary, Rolesville, Fuquay-Varina, Holly Springs, and Garner.