Signs of Conflict

Some often wonder when or if it is time to consider therapy or even separation. Here are four patterns of common conflict to help inform you.


  1. Withdrawal and Avoidance
  • Closing yourself off, shutting the door literally
  • Avoiding opportunities for closeness
  • Making excuses not to communicate


  1. Escalation
  • Allowing conflict to grow into loud, dangerous, or aggressive levels with words or behavior


  1. Negative Interpretations
  • Taking words and behaviors out of context
  • Finding the dark side of neutral statements


  1. Invalidation
  • Finding ways to discount, ridicule, or deny the feelings or behaviors of the other
  • Sarcasm, involving 3rd parties(gossip), treating your partner like a bad child


Suggestions to Improve Dealing with Conflict:

  • Seek a member of your church or congregation to assist with your communication
  • Seek a professional either a Licensed Marital Counselor, or a Family Therapist
  • Choose a time to discuss the conflict together without distraction
  • Speak for yourself, do not mind read
  • Do not threaten or blame
  • Keep statements brief
  • Take turns talking, do not monopolize
  • Limit time spent dealing with conflict- more is not always better
  • Do not deal with conflict after consuming alcohol, or when you are sick or exhausted