There is a lot of information floating around in books, on the web, etc. that divorce is tough on kids. The belief that divorce has to be a scar or bad memory for children is actually a misconception. The truth is that if both parties involved in the divorce take the time to make sure their children understand and are supported, emotionally and mentally, through the divorce process, it doesn’t have to be a scar.
Okay, so no kid wants to hear that their parents are getting divorced. In a child’s eyes, two people that loved each other and have this family will be together forever. So yes, news of the divorce may make them sad but it is the disengagement that is actually the hard part – not the divorce itself.
To explain, consider one parent that is so heart broken and hurt that their spouse has chosen to leave him/her. This person may feel overwhelmed, sad, and overall dealing with his or her own internal struggle that they just do not give the child the support that the child needs. In turn, the child feels abandoned and broken. Then the lack of emotional development and ability to process these feelings, the child will then shut down, disengage and carry with them sadness and anger.
This is also a false statement because children are aware of the conflict in the home, whether you know it or not. Even if you hide arguments for when they are not around or not in hearing distance, the lack of emotional connection and these “vibes” can be felt by your children. 9 times out of 10, the children are aware of the unhappiness in the household. This causes these children to actually feel uncomfortable in their home so that a civil divorce between the parents, who choose to co-parent effectively following a divorce, may ultimately be the best option for your child.
While you may have strong feelings against your ex-spouse, it is very important to remember that this person is still a parent to your child. By criticizing the parent of your child, you are criticizing your child too – via DNA. While you chose to marry this person, your child did not and your ex-spouse will always be a part of your child (biologically.) This means that by calling your spouse names or demonizing that person, your child may internalize these critiques and develop insecurities and poor feelings for themselves.
Brian Demidovich primarily focuses in Raleigh family mediation and the other Raleigh lawyers at The Law Corner can help you with a fast and simple no-fault or uncontested divorce. However, we are also there to represent you in the most difficult divorce situations too. With experience in and out of the courtroom, we can help you with your divorce — no matter what.
As you may know, in North Carolina, almost all divorce cases require you to live separately for a total of one year. For more information, The Law Corner divorce attorneys in Raleigh can help explain the divorce process to you and help you with other divorce related issues, to include, but not limited to, the following:
Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO)
The Law Corner Attorneys help people all over Wake County to include the following areas: Knightdale, Wake Forest, Raleigh, Morrisville, Apex, Wendell, Zebulon, New Hope, Cary, Rolesville, Fuquay-Varina, Holly Springs, and Garner.